literature

To lose is to win, and he who-

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I suddenly realized what that old proverb meant. "To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose." It was all part of Rassilon's trap to find out who wanted immortality and put him out of the way. He knew very well that immortality was a curse. Not a blessing.

The Doctor could very well call the human race one the most ignorant species in the galaxy, but that would mean hypocrisy. Hadn't a certain Lord President Borusa of Gallifrey looked past his vast Time Lord knowledge and only perceived power?

It was very complicated for the Doctor back then. He was neither young nor old. Just all jumbled up in between. But his first self, the youngest, the most arrogant –practically a teenager in Gallifreyan eyes- had spewed out something that would sling right back at him like a boomerang.

"Friend over there doesn't trust me, and for all I know, he's right not to."

The Doctor could feel it reverberating through time as he sat in that Chula ship, high above in the London Blitz. One day he'll turn to his red-headed companion underneath a smoking mountain and tell her, "Every waking second I see what is, what was, what could be, what must not."

He could feel it. Right then, right there. He could feel the wrongness echoing from the rogue agent in front of him. It wasn't set yet, but it was there. And it was one of the points that had to stay there. Yet the Doctor felt that slightest bit of sorrow emanating off the captain. It was something the Time Lord didn't understand. Why the sadness? His curiosity drove him to accept the Time Agent on board the TARDIS.

To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose.

It was a prophecy, a warning. A message sent back to his younger selves. Beware, watch out. Take heed.

So now he realizes why he felt that sorrow and why he didn't trust the captain to begin with. The captain, now known to be the being he trusted so much billions of years into the future. He realizes how the Time Lord Victorious is wrong and how Adelaide was right. Time must flow its natural order, even with a Time Lord still traveling around. What is. What was. What could have been. What should never be.

On the edge of a crater near the bay, he breathes in deeply and recalls the words he said so long ago. "…immortality was a curse, not a blessing." He looks up at the night sky's stars and sees the one that shines the brightest. He knows that the light has traveled far from out there and that, in truth, the star has already burned out where it is. He looks for the direction of where his planet is, was, could have been, never was. And he sighs again, hands in his trouser pockets.

So he resigns to his fate for that moment and turns around. He walks past the couple coming towards the wreckage –past the disheveled police constable and another lady- head hung low. The woman tries to chase after him; her husband stops her. The police constable stares dumbly, unaware of the situation. The other lady, turns slowly, watching him go.

The Doctor knows who they are, who they all are. He knows how it will end.

So when he walks past, he mutters softly for them to hear. Both his hearts are poured into the last words he'll ever impart to them.

I'm sorry… I'm so so sorry.
Wrote the beginning a long time ago, right after I watched The Five Doctors. Doctor-toned, but TW related. Post-CoE and Water of Mars. Pre-EoT.

full title: To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose.

From 9 and 10's POV

"To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose."
-inscribed on a pedestal in the Dark Tower of the Gallifreyan Death Zone.
-Then restated by the First Doctor.

Basically, the story, The Five Doctors, was about the Lord President Borusa who kidnapped all the Doctors from five and before and tried to secure immortality.
© 2010 - 2024 vertigoevie
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Angel-of-the-doctor's avatar
Love it!
I was always upset with the "Time Lord Victorious." I thought, "I can't believe he doesn't realize! You win and lose at the same time!"
I'm glad someone agrees with me. :D